Twisted perception leads to twisted reality?

As so many times before, I sit before my computer, thinking about the world as I see it, feel it, taste it. Most of it tastes quite bitter, but I know that's just a result of my own flaws stacking one on each other over prolonged time, until my whole perception of things becomes warped and wobbly. A bit like a soap bubble, blown by a professional boozer, merely moments before popping up in the wind. I feel alone and scared, not so much scared about the outside, as I know things are getting fucked up, but mostly inside - I'm scared how things have gotten so fucked up. I'm not a good person. I thought I was, but sometimes taking a plunge to reality is the most luxurious thing one can have and perhaps I can find some benefit from the insight, no matter how scary it might seem.

My friends already know that it takes at least a decade of basic training to even begin understanding me. And they haven't known me that long. I have, unfortunately. I'm sober. I used to suffer from clinical depression, but right now I'm not even depressed - my head just hurts. Maybe its due to the concussion I apparently suffered. The best case scenario for everybody; I'd be dead soon. Taking the hard facts in consideration, I'm a fucking retard most of the time. Not the kind of retard, that drools and draws penises, but just an inconsiderate jerk. And that's pretty much enough, when it comes to sinning against the world. Yes, my perception is twisted, but I fear that the rest of my world is straight as hell right now.

Sorry for wasting your time. Go away now. I wish I was drunk.